you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is Oprah even human
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
