Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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