And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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