when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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