Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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