Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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