Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
