Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
