I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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