I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
