i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
