Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
