Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
