I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
