we're blogging at a bar
Don't you send me to vm
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
