I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
