You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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