I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
