he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
