god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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