dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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