you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
