and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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