There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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