i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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