i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
