My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
