Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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