My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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