Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
