shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
