got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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