If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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