I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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