My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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