Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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