I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
