i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
