I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
