I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
