Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently you make a good broom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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