i already hear my dad disowning me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
