Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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