imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
