fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
