YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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