Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
