You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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