Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
