Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
