is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dignity is for republicans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
