he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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