Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
