is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
