i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
