Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
