And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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