if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you would pick up someone in the library
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
