i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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