Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are all done wearing pants today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
