I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
