I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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