I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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