I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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