At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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