you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
