god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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