I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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