getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
