aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
porn star boner night. come get it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
