What a fucking waste of an outfit
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
