im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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