I hate all girls vehemently.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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