He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
