Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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