turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Less talking, more tequila
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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