her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
