wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
