mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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