Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
