so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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