Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
